I’m beginning to think that too many of us as we age can begin to suffer from some form of depression. The end of our lives is approaching; there’s no denying it once we are in our seventies and older.

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I’m no psychotherapist but I have experienced a slow drop into my own depression over several years brought on by a few things that happened.

Life was just ticking along very contentedly, and I was busy. Even though I was no longer a member of the local Symphony (that’s another very interesting story that I’ll bring here soon), I had a full week of private students coming to our home. I mainly taught flute, as that was always my primary instrument, playing professionally since the age of 19. Later I added piano and then recorder, so that gave me lots of variety.

I was also playing weddings and small programs with two long-time partners, also dear friends, one a harpist and the other a classical guitarist. Then after coping with cancer for about a year my harpist died, so that partnership came to an end. I still miss her, we were Scrabble mates too! We both loved the Upwards version. I played several jobs with my classical guitar partner that summer.

Then in October of 2006, at the age of 63 I had a heart attack. During the period of recovery my back became a real pain issue. I began teaching again, but the back pain was really getting in the way.

When months went by with the same level of pain, my teaching became a thing of the past, and it was no longer easy to play my flute, so the weddings and other jobs also diminished to almost nothing.

By the time I was 66, life was no longer the same as it had been for all those years. I didn’t know how to fight the pain and wasn’t getting answers, so my active days became a distant memory and a lot of time was spent in bed, really beginning to feel sorry for myself.

Inspiration comes from very surprising quarters at times. Learning of a close friend’s experience with stage fright that threatened a future of performing on the world stage, and how that was overcome, changed everything.

I decided to try stronger medications, slowly narrowing it down to what worked without overdosing. I still use the same pills, but monitor very carefully. I keep a calendar and make a note of every dose, then I tally it at the end of each month.

But the most exciting and amazing was the treatment for my mind that I received at the Musicians’ Clinic, with Dr John Chong and Dr McMillan. I learned how to think properly with their help, a simple clip on one ear monitoring my heart rate variations. It’s break-through work, and it changed my life. The knowledge that I can control my brain rather than letting it control me was so enabling and surprisingly normal. So much has been discovered about brain function. The most simplistic way of explaining is that if a brain is constantly told negative things it will function negatively. Sending and even vocalising positive thoughts allows the brain to tell and teach the body positive things. It’s a computer that operates on what it is fed.

The other important aid is my wonderful chiropractor, Dr Tracy Drynan. Her hands are magic, her mind knows my inner body and everything about it. With her touch every 3 weeks, I can do most of what I want to do.

I also read Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. And took it to heart in all seriousness. You have to believe in changing, believe you CAN change. Many people refuse to try, are not able to enter into the state of discovery and willingness that is needed.

My 70th birthday was when I started over, feeling positive and renewed, full of joy for the simple things in life. In short, I learned not to let the pain rule me, keep the loss of my professional life a precious memory, celebrating rather than mourning it.

I so much wish that everyone existing in a state of non-function for any reason, will be able to find that magic solution and discover that life is absolutely worth living. I still play my flute and now it’s just for fun. I’ve written a children’s book and am having a real adventure as an Indie Author.

One doesn’t have to discard one’s life philosophy to change in this way, it’s a simple matter of opening a door.


7 Comments (+add yours?)

    Oct 20, 2015 @ 07:48:54

    Interesting blog, Eleanor.



  2. Eleanor Lawrie
    Oct 20, 2015 @ 12:51:12

    All true! The Musicians’ Clinic is amazing, and so are my family and friends. How is your book doing, The Shiver Stone?



  3. Rusty Blackwood
    Oct 20, 2015 @ 16:06:51

    I so enjoy reading your scribes, Eleanor. They are always interesting, and written from both experience in this often difficult and unfeeling world, and your heart, that of which is as large as the world and encompasses so many people within it. Keep up the good work, as well as the positive vibes within it.



  4. Eleanor Lawrie
    Oct 20, 2015 @ 19:01:19

    Thanks so much for the encouragement!! I’m thrilled that you think my blogs are OK!! 🙂



  5. Carol Wells
    Nov 18, 2015 @ 01:12:03

    Dearest Friend, Thank-you for sharing these wonderful thoughts and insights. I too have been a student of life’s experiences, learning the power of being positive and thinking only positive thoughts. Learning also that kindness is a spiritual practice and finding ways every day to express kindness to those I meet. Reiki has been an incredible teacher and has informed my daily living. It is a wonderful healing practice that I have been involved in since 1998. Reiki has changed my life and for the better. So, however the lessons come, we are wise to pay attention and make the changes that allow for joy and happiness to fill our moments. Blessings to you as you continue on your journey.
    With love,



  6. Eleanor Lawrie
    Nov 18, 2015 @ 01:22:04

    Hi Carol, thanks for dropping by to my website. Neat to have positive comments about my blog. Thought that subject was pretty universal, so many people have to go through such times for one reason or another!! Great to hear from you, love and hugs to you!!



  7. Trackback: A Flute Tale | Eleanor Lawrie, Author

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